hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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