What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
