My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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