dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
