maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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