ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
