at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
