Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
