im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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