Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
