it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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