white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
