The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
