Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize