dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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