You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
