The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
