i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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