Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
