I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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