he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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