I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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