you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
