Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
