Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
