The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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