my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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