The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
