You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
