Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
