party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize