I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
