3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
whose parrot is this?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
