just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
