I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
