Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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