I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
