its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
