If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
