Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
