What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
