found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
