Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize