i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
