he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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