I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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