i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
