Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
