I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
