recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
