when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
