I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
