His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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