Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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