I just pynch a tree in the face
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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