No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
