I cannot find my penis.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
