just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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