I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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