Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
