Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
