Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
