i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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