I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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