Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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